An empty space at our dining table...

J. DEVINDER SINGH, my dad was born in Kashmir, India and his family migrated to Malaysia via Port Swettenham (Port Kelang now) sometime in the late 40's when he was about 2 or 3.He grew up here in Klang and became a primary school teacher until he retired in the late 80's.We were close...but not as close as he was to my younger brother and sister.Well to be fair to him, I'm not exactly the easiest person to live with!Ha ha...cocky, stubborn and always looking for an argument...yep, that's ME!In fact I will never forget an argument we had many years ago when he called me an ASS...ha ha, I just turned around and said "I KNOW...I GUESS I'M A CHIP OF THE OLD BLOCK!"We were famous for our arguments and everybody knew well enough to stay out of our way whenever one ensued.Oh don't get me wrong, I love my dad to bits, I just had a tough time showing him I did!We only enjoyed a closer relationship after my daughter was born on the 8th of May, 1998.I guess you could say that caring for a child made me more sensitive to a parent's plight.I began to understand my dad much better, to see him in a completely different light and we actually shared numerous conversations that I will forever treasure.

I lost my dad in January, 2005 to lung cancer...he was a heavy smoker!My dad's case was a very unfortunate one coz a while before he was diagnosed with the disease, he used to complain about his chest.His doctor told him it was bronchitis and everything else but CANCER!I don't blame the doctor coz knowing my dad, he would have probably told the doctor what was wrong with himself first instead of letting the doctor come to his own decision (Ha ha...now I know where I got that trait from).So by the time they suspected that it was more than just congestion of the lungs it was already too late!It was already in STAGE 4 when they knew what it was!Even then he still refused to admit that it was because of his smoking!He kept insisting it was due to asbestos dust from one of his roofing jobs (Daddy was really quite the handyman).Stubborn right till the end!Anyway...the 7th of May 2004 is a date I will never forget, coz that's the day I found out about my dad's condition.My parents had driven all the way up from JB to my place in KLANG for my daughter's 6th b'day.I also remember my dad hugging me harder than usual when he walked into my home and as soon as everyone was settled, my mom TOLD US!At first I found it hard to believe (I still do) but after a while the truth sank in.I didn't know how to react...in fact I still don't!

During the entire time of his illness, my parents lived in my home coz it was easier for my dad to get treatment at the KL General Hospital.The day he went for his 1st chemoterahy session is another day I will never forget, coz that was the day my solo album was launched!It was a very bittersweet experience for me.I was both happy that my album was out after such a long time but also very sad for my dad.You see and hear of things like this happening to everybody else but you and when it actually does happen....WHAM, hits you right between the eyes!!!I'm just so very glad that I had some time with him before he left us.I used to come home at 3 or 4 am, after my stint and he would be the 1st person I'd see when I let myself in (We had set his bed up in the living room coz after a while he could not manage the stairs anymore).One night when I got home (after I had come to terms with my my fear of showing him my feelings) I actually worked up the courage to tell him, "I LOVE YOU DADDY".I am so glad I had the chance to say that because he died not long after.He went from being a strong 57 year old, to a bed-ridden 58 year old in a space of 7 short months until his death on the 12th of January, 2005.With the exception of my brother who was in Singapore at the time, everyone else was with him when he died.

I think of him all the time and I love him immensely and sometimes, because of this whole experience, I question a lot of things!I've also learnt not to take anything and anyone for granted because time really does wait for no one!!!So swallow your pride and seize the moment.Take the initiative to approach even the most unapproachable loved one because we never know how much time we have left to do and say all that we want!Leave behind as many good memories as we can for our family and friends...that's our true legacy!Also...always remember that your children live thru' you.WE ALL MISS YOU VERY MUCH DADDY!!!

Gerard Singh

P.S. That's my dad and my daughter in the pic.