Writer's block...

I've been sitting at my console trying desperately to write another entry for my blog but words seem to be eluding me for some reason."WHAT the bloody hell...", I say to myself, "ME, Gerard Singh...at a loss for words?".Impossible...or IMPOSSIBIBLE as TIGGER (T-I-double-Guh-Rrr!That spells Tigger!) would say!YES YES...I think all fathers have done the entire WINNIE THE POOH thingy with their kids...ha ha.Anyway, I guess I'm starting to understand just a little bit about that woeful condition called 'WRITER'S BLOCK'!I've not just been having problems writing for my blog but also completing lyrics for songs that I've composed for the album with my band BIG GAME.We've almost finished 'TRACKING' the instrumentation (for those of you unfamiliar with recording term, it simply means we are almost done recording all the musical instruments to the songs), all that's left is to lay down the vocal tracks.Unfortunately...like I mentioned earlier, I've encountered this wall in the middle of my road to completion.It's too high to climb over and too wide to go around.Funny though...nouns, verbs, adjectives and all the other mechanics of lingo, I still have no problem with at all!!It's 'SUBJECT MATTER' that's making me bite my nails!When I got up this morning I tried sitting down at my desk with a hot cup of MILO (I've stopped drinking coffee for quite a while), paper, pencil and a minus-one CD of the original songs I've been trying to finish playing on my hi-fi.Still all I got was maybe 4 or 5 lines for one song.Now I'm at the PC trying despertely to write an entry for my blog and I draw a complete blank!Ha ha...in fact the only thing I can think to write about is my inability to do so!Maybe I should take my own advice and just appreciate SILENCE since I have nothing of consequence to write about.Yeah right!!!Wishful thinking on your part...the one thing you're never gonna get from me is SILENCE!!"But...what about the previous blog entry?", you ask yourself.Ha ha...I only have one thing to say...that's right, DO AS I SAY...DON'T DO AS I DO!!!Ha ha ha...seriously though, this DEBILITATING DISEASE I'm experiencing right now is so frustrating.It's been occupying too much of my mind coz I've desperately been trying to analyze the situation.Could it be I've been pushing myself too hard?Ha ha...I don't think so, since time immemorial I've believed in practising the whole 'Work smart not hard' campaign.Maybe I'm just too tired?Not a chance...working only 3 nights a week has given me ample opportunity to catch up on some much needed 'shut-eye' (I don't mean to rub it in coz I know some of you guys don't get as much rest but I sometimes clock 10 hours a day!).Gosh...it just hit me!Must be the lack of alcohol.YES that must be it!I've been working in the pubs/clubs only 3 nights a week the past month that I've not been meeting my quota of alcohol consumption.Ha ha...don't you guys think it's amazing how certain things are there, staring at you right in the face and still you fail to notice them until it's too late.Thank God it's not too late for me!You people have a great day and God bless you all.I'm going out for lunch now...after which, I'm gonna make a short pit stop at the neighbourhood convenience store and stock up on some BLACK GOLD!!!That's Guinness to the uninitiated...cheers!
Gerard Singh

The empty spaces between conversations...

"My wife has a slight impediment in her speech.
Every now and then she stops to breathe."

-- Jimmy Durante

It's amazing how so many couples/people associate conversation with caring/love.They think that the moment one stops having regular conversations with a partner/friend means the relationship/friendship is dead.I've also read in magazines that so many couples call it quits because they've stopped 'communicating'.I personally think that's a load of crap!You leave somebody because you don't get along and not because you've both stopped talking to each other!If any of these people who left a relationship because there was a breakdown in communication were to dig deeper, I'm pretty sure they'll find that there was NONE to start out with in the first place! If a relationship is doomed... conversation is definitely not going to save it!

Talking is a form of communication but communication does not necessarily mean talking.Many don't realize this but you sometimes don't need to talk to communicate!Coz SILENCE, is also another form of communication.It can mean so many things like 'I DON'T UNDERSTAND A WORD YOU'RE SAYING...', 'F--K OFF', 'I'M THINKING' or 'I'M DUMB, SEE...I DON'T HAVE A TONGUE!'.Seriously though, it's like the spaces between notes in your favourite song.It makes the song a lot more appealing, because of those spaces you appreciate the choice of notes more.Ha ha...I believe that's why God made breathing compulsory!One has to breathe between sentences, so that's why there's a lot to be said for the appreciation of SILENCE!It is the space between conversations.Believe it...SILENCE IS GOLDEN!

When you've been in a relationship for as long as I have, most personal topics of conversation have been covered by the end of the 1st year (give or take a year) and it doesn't mean that now when there's nothing much to say, a union is doomed!There will always be current topics for conversation but in general, I really believe that two people who've been together for ages should learn to appreciate some silence between themselves...even welcome it to some extent coz it really does go a long way.Oh, don't get me wrong, there's a big difference between being silent and being rude (for lack of a better word).For instance, keeping absolutely quiet and ignoring your partner is rude but being silent when you have nothing of consequence to say is WISE!So remember, one day when you're older and you find that good conversation is hard to come by, you can sit QUIETLY with your loved ones and still appreciate their company all because you've learnt the true value of silence!

I think it's remarkable when a whole family can sit in a living room and actually keep quiet...so quiet that you can almost hear your own thoughts.Ha ha...maybe I'm just being selfish by saying this coz no two people are the same and to expect another person to feel this way isn't exactly fair.I can't help myself because I happen to appreciate my solitude and the silence that comes with it...immensely.Even when I was growing up, you would find me alone in my room reading, listening to music and the like.With the exception of my brother, everyone else (my parents and sister) loves to read.Most afternoons would find all of us lazing about in our very own designated 'zones' with our favourite reading materials and thus, when we all did get together for conversation, it was most assuredly interesting and reasonably important...well, most of the time anyway :o)

I believe people should not try to have conversations just for the sake of having them...there's got to be some subject matter involved!People can't just talk for no reason at all...that to me is a sign of insecurity!They're afraid of what people might make of their silence.From personal experience, I've never thought of a person who keeps quiet most of the time as stupid.In fact, there have been many a time when I would have liked to shut somebody up for talking too much!I've never done it yet...ha ha, I doubt I ever will but the thought has occured to me more than once.Hmm...after all that's been said I've come to accept that life is perfect but people never are!So you plod on in the hopes of making your own life a little better each day...in my case it's the pursuit of those little spaces between words.Ha ha...I also hope I can get as many of my friends to read this little post so that they may better understand me and not be offended when I drift off to my own little world even whilst in the midst of their company.

Well I guess that's all I have to say this time around and now I'm left with the tough job of figuring out a suitable title for this little entry...ha ha.Before I go, I would just like to say this to all of you who take the trouble to read this;

Send me a message or a comment...do tell me what you think, DON'T JUST KEEP SILENT ABOUT THE WHOLE DAMN THING!!! :o)

Gerard Singh

An empty space at our dining table...

J. DEVINDER SINGH, my dad was born in Kashmir, India and his family migrated to Malaysia via Port Swettenham (Port Kelang now) sometime in the late 40's when he was about 2 or 3.He grew up here in Klang and became a primary school teacher until he retired in the late 80's.We were close...but not as close as he was to my younger brother and sister.Well to be fair to him, I'm not exactly the easiest person to live with!Ha ha...cocky, stubborn and always looking for an argument...yep, that's ME!In fact I will never forget an argument we had many years ago when he called me an ASS...ha ha, I just turned around and said "I KNOW...I GUESS I'M A CHIP OF THE OLD BLOCK!"We were famous for our arguments and everybody knew well enough to stay out of our way whenever one ensued.Oh don't get me wrong, I love my dad to bits, I just had a tough time showing him I did!We only enjoyed a closer relationship after my daughter was born on the 8th of May, 1998.I guess you could say that caring for a child made me more sensitive to a parent's plight.I began to understand my dad much better, to see him in a completely different light and we actually shared numerous conversations that I will forever treasure.

I lost my dad in January, 2005 to lung cancer...he was a heavy smoker!My dad's case was a very unfortunate one coz a while before he was diagnosed with the disease, he used to complain about his chest.His doctor told him it was bronchitis and everything else but CANCER!I don't blame the doctor coz knowing my dad, he would have probably told the doctor what was wrong with himself first instead of letting the doctor come to his own decision (Ha ha...now I know where I got that trait from).So by the time they suspected that it was more than just congestion of the lungs it was already too late!It was already in STAGE 4 when they knew what it was!Even then he still refused to admit that it was because of his smoking!He kept insisting it was due to asbestos dust from one of his roofing jobs (Daddy was really quite the handyman).Stubborn right till the end!Anyway...the 7th of May 2004 is a date I will never forget, coz that's the day I found out about my dad's condition.My parents had driven all the way up from JB to my place in KLANG for my daughter's 6th b'day.I also remember my dad hugging me harder than usual when he walked into my home and as soon as everyone was settled, my mom TOLD US!At first I found it hard to believe (I still do) but after a while the truth sank in.I didn't know how to react...in fact I still don't!

During the entire time of his illness, my parents lived in my home coz it was easier for my dad to get treatment at the KL General Hospital.The day he went for his 1st chemoterahy session is another day I will never forget, coz that was the day my solo album was launched!It was a very bittersweet experience for me.I was both happy that my album was out after such a long time but also very sad for my dad.You see and hear of things like this happening to everybody else but you and when it actually does happen....WHAM, hits you right between the eyes!!!I'm just so very glad that I had some time with him before he left us.I used to come home at 3 or 4 am, after my stint and he would be the 1st person I'd see when I let myself in (We had set his bed up in the living room coz after a while he could not manage the stairs anymore).One night when I got home (after I had come to terms with my my fear of showing him my feelings) I actually worked up the courage to tell him, "I LOVE YOU DADDY".I am so glad I had the chance to say that because he died not long after.He went from being a strong 57 year old, to a bed-ridden 58 year old in a space of 7 short months until his death on the 12th of January, 2005.With the exception of my brother who was in Singapore at the time, everyone else was with him when he died.

I think of him all the time and I love him immensely and sometimes, because of this whole experience, I question a lot of things!I've also learnt not to take anything and anyone for granted because time really does wait for no one!!!So swallow your pride and seize the moment.Take the initiative to approach even the most unapproachable loved one because we never know how much time we have left to do and say all that we want!Leave behind as many good memories as we can for our family and friends...that's our true legacy!Also...always remember that your children live thru' you.WE ALL MISS YOU VERY MUCH DADDY!!!

Gerard Singh

P.S. That's my dad and my daughter in the pic.

Refuge!!!

Over the years I've come to appreciate my car more and more (ha ha, for reasons other than transportation).Oh...don't get me wrong, I do depend on it to get me to and from work but more than anything, it's the one place where I can actually be alone with my thoughts and my music!I've always loved my own company and the fact that I now have my own family (A wonderful wife and lovely 8 year old daughter) means that my privacy has been compromised!As important as my family is to me...a working, composing musician like myself needs a bit of alone time, hence my appreciation for my car!Living in Klang also means I have at least a half hour drive to work and most people cringe when they find that out.Little do they know that I really do enjoy the 30 min drive to and from work. It gives me time to relax and just listen to the music I like (most stuff from 60's to the early 90's...there are very few bands after that period which appeal to me but that's a discussion for another time).I remember when we were in the midst of mixing my solo english album (Yes I do have a solo album out called 'A SLICE OF THE PIE'...hence the title for this blog of mine).We (the sound engineers & I) would get into my car and check all the mixes to the songs .Because of the amount of time I spend listening to music in my car, I got so used to the 'in car' sound system that I needed to listen to the production of the album there to be really sure if I was satisfied!However the best time spent in my car is and always will be the drive back home.After literally 'A HARD DAY'S NIGHT' I always need to unwind before I get home to bed.Nothing like a cool 30 min drive to the sounds of your favourite bands (ROBBEN FORD or STEELY DAN for me) to settle the mind which has been hyped up after three 45 min sets of performing to a lousy crowd that prefers to watch football!Hmm...that's not a fair statement I guess, sometimes they do listen (on truly rare occasions).By the time I get home I'm so relaxed that I'm in bed, comatose...immediately after my shower!After the way I've been ranting about the quality time I spend in my car and if it weren't for the pic above, you would probably think I drive one of those fancy models.Ha ha...I actually drive a Proton Waja 1.6 (manual) and you can say whatever you want to say about PROTON, but I happen to love my car!It helps me cling on to my sanity and DARE I SAY IT...my privacy!Darn I can't remember if my wifey knows about this blog :o)

Cheers,

Gerard

P.S. I have since sold that car in the pic...I now own a newer version of it! ;o)

Back after a brief sojourn...

Hello people...allow me to introduce myself.I'm Gerard Singh, I am what could probably be termed a performing (struggling...ha ha) musician.I used to try and blog on friendster but after 3 or so posts,I moved into my new home, in a new housing estate, somewhere in Malaysia, sometime in January, 2006.Over here that spells disaster for ardent internet users...no phone lines, so no broadband (don't even think about wi-fi).Well anyway I only got my new phone line and internet account a week ago...yippee!This time around I thought I'd go PROFESSIONAL...that's why I'm here on blogger.com (let's see if I top my 3 posts limit!).So to all you people who have sent me messages and such these past couple of months...I do apologize.Okay...a lot of stuff has happened with me these past 6 months.My daughter is getting older/heavier(so am I...on both counts!) and I can no longer carry her the way I used to.I've ALSO started a little production company with 2 other musician friends of mine called BIG GAME PRODUCTIONS!We have yet to do any commercial work as we're relatively new but we are in the midst of recording our debut English album as a band and GUESS WHAT?The band is actually called BIG GAME!Who would have guessed!We should be finished with the album by the end of the year or maybe a little sooner but for now, we do have 2 completed English songs on a little compilation album called JOURNEY MAN along with music from 6 other bands.So do check us out if you can and write to tell us what you think.The entire JOURNEY MAN project can currently be viewed and listened to at this website http://www.deathstarproductions.com/
I'm gonna keep this short the 1st time around so take care, God bless all of you and please do check the band BIG GAME out at the site mentioned above!By the way the bald guy in white (in the pic above) getting sloshed with friends is ME! :o)


Gerard Singh (dgerardsingh@yahoo.com)